The 2010 Knitwear & Croissants bullshit awards - categories & nominees

Yes, it's that time of year where we look back at the previous year and pay homage to those who've 'entertained' us... there'll be separate awards for the Sunday Supplement boys & the SSN reviewers as it's only fair they all get due credit for 12 months worth of professional pony.

Award categories:

1. The most horribly wrong, cringeworthy, embarrassing statement of the year award
2. The "I'll just say something controversial for the sake of it" award
3. The "never mind smoke, I'll use my full tongue" arse-kissing award
4. And finally (and slightly implausibly) the sensible, reasoned argument award 

My thoughts on the nominees as follows:

1. Rob Beasley - "Mancini sat in the ground when Hughes sacked"; Neil Custis - "Fergie's warchest about to swing open" ; Darren Lewis - "England cricket team rubbish" ; Steve Curry - "Joe Cole a hero on Merseyside after one and a half games". 
2. Open to suggestions, Neil Ashton (by request) 'club without class', Oliver Holt must feature surely?
3. too many to select from, Oliver Holt prominent though with his one-man campaign concerning John Terry and the England captaincy. More views please.
4. Very tricky this one. Suggestions welcomed...

Please reply via comments.

Darren Lewis 10/12/10

Nothing much of interest this morning really but felt duty bound to moan/comment on a couple of things once Darren had finished sticking the knife into Alan Pardew at Newcastle.

Firstly and to set the scene, there were some comments attributed to Joe Hart at City's training ground yesterday regarding the lack of press photographers:

"they don't turn up if we win"

Be careful what you wish for Joe; Darren reports on a practice match at Carrington. Yes, that's right, a report on a practice match, in a training session, on television, reporting on a report in a newspaper which was itself based on a report by a fan, lifted off bluemoon-mcfc.co.uk,  quoted pretty much to the word :

"...of the two  teams, one looked suspiciously like the team that will take the field against West Ham... worryingly for Mancini, they won 5-0 with a hattrick from Roque Santa Cruz, a player who can't get anywhere near the starting XI..."


So they we have it, get some money on West Ham. Here's the plaguiarised original article -

City's fight club - telegraph

And finally, be sure to read down to the bottom of that article, where we learn that Alec Ferguson has banned players from wearing snoods. We know this because it's in the Sun and because Fergie's representative on twitter, rio ferdy, says so. We get all the big stories on K&C!

He he - Redknapp the liar

Sorry, busy week...

He he - Redknapp the liar

Loyalty Schmoyalty
'Chris Hughton's sacking at Newcastle merely confirms what I have known for ages - in football there is no such thing as loyalty,' 'writes' Harry Redknapp in The Sun.

Certainly, there is no greater expert on the lack of loyalty in football than Redknapp.

This is the man who declared that Portsmouth would be his last job in football, said loud and clear that he "would never go down the road" to Southampton, turned down Newcastle in January 2008 citing 'loyalty' and then left for Tottenham in October saying it was "a big opportunity to manage a big club before I retire".

History has since been re-written by Redknapp, who now claims: 'When I went back to manage Portsmouth from Southampton, the team was bottom of the Premier League. We stayed up by the skin of our teeth with a remarkable run of results.

'Yet the club was changing hands. Milan Mandaric was selling up to Sasha Gaydamak, and I knew the new man was hoping to bring in someone else in my place.

'I even knew who it was, but am not prepared to name names. So despite all that effort and an impressive achievement, I was on my way out.

'That's part of the reason why I left for Tottenham...'

Firstly, Portsmouth were not bottom of the Premier League table when Redknapp returned to Portsmouth - they were third from bottom and just three points from safety. Their survival was far from a miracle.

And secondly and more pertinently, Redknapp is now claiming that he left Portsmouth because Milan Mandaric was selling the club and he saw the writing on the wall.

Mandaric sold the club in the summer of 2006. Redknapp signed a new Portsmouth deal in October 2007. He left for Tottenham in October 2008.

Darren Lewis SSN 26/11/10

Darren's reinforcing his reputation as one of Fleet Street's top bullshitters with his fine work on Talksport, and this morning's SSN appearance saw the lad's fine vein of bollocks continue.

He started off with a subject he evidently knows fuck all about, cricket, and began sticking it to the English players in Australia.

Just to give this a bit of context, England had a bad day yesterday, but there were bright spots. It certainly was not as bad as previous Ashes openers in recent memory, finishing all out for 260 after a nervous start on day one of a 25 day series.

Day 2 has been much more successful, and barring an unfortunate early end due to the weather England could have been pretty much on equal terms by the end of the day's play.

Darren is exceedingly unimpressed however, and told us so. John Davies asked "isn't it a bit early to be writing England off, after the first day?"

"No, because it's how you start..."

No Darren, the accepted sporting wisdom is 'it's not how you start, it's how you finish'. Best stick to footballers, gossip and bollocks, and stop making a tit of yourself.

Which leads nicely onto something he knows lots about, Wayne Rooney.

Wayne's done an interview in the last 24 hours because "he owed the Manchester United fans an apology". Darren used the word "contrite" on several occasions, but the quotes in wide circulation attributed to Rooney don't really match up.

Let's be honest, when has any footballer ever taken responsibility for anything they've ever done, let alone shown any contrition? This precludes that they should even need to to be contrite obviously...

The Rooney saga was simply the usual manner in which top players conduct contract negotiations with Manchester United; club refuses to pay massive wages, player puts it in the public arena, Bacon Face calls in journo harem to report little-boy-lost-bottom-lip-trembling press conference performance (they lap it up naturally), flash mob turns up at Rooney's house and puts the frighteners on his missus, the press turn on Rooney as if he's Josef Fritzl's much more sadistic scouse brother, and eventually he signs a contract stating "I never wanted to leave".

Darren's take on it all:

"It's not Wayne's fault he's the best player in the world..."

Christ on a bike.

Shaun Custis - hyperbole & Freudian slip special 09/11/10

Early quote of the day for Shaun:

"Andy Caroll going into Newcastle is like George Best going into Manchester"

Genius; that's the quote rather than Andy Caroll obviously.

The Mirror back page features a pre-derby story attributing quotes to Carlos Tevez

 - "I wish Roo had joined me here at City".

 Shaun quipped:

"...it's understandable, he played for Rooney at Manchester United..."

Mick Dennis Masterclass 4/11/10

Please Sky, can we have Mick Dennis on every morning?

"I'm ignoring the script this morning... most stories are about the results in last night's Champions League games... and going straight for Ronaldo's dive, the back page headline of my paper"

Good work Mick...

"Now onto my pet subject, the Olympic Stadium, Tottenham & West Ham..."

OK, carry on...

"And the final story, my pet subject, referees..."

It's the Darren Lewis show...

The Rooney Saga rumbles on like the SS Titanic heading inexorably toward the iceberg.
Does Darren Lewis make the tea at The Mirror? I ask because he doesn't appear to have a lot of input into the 'sports journalism thing'. The Mirror back page leads with "Rooney - I want to stay" but when asked "how can it be?" he said:

"I don't know... I can't see it myself... but this is football..."

So there you have it from the horses mouth, the story is bullshit so don't bother reading it.