Boring Darren today, starting off with the biggest story in town - David Beckham's late substitute appearance at Old Trafford. He draped a Green & Yellow scarf around his neck at the end of the game which had incredible meaning (of course), much more than, for instance, the actual result.
Darren is by no means the biggest culprit in the bullshit-and-frippery-merry-go-round Beckham freakshow; I caught a few minutes of TalkSport radio earlier featuring our very own 'five-chins' Curry, who said that "he knew exactly what he was doing when he put that scarf on, he's a born & raised United fan".
Whilst this may be true, it's unlikely he'll be lauded for his bravery in the way Ernesto Guevara has been for the last 40-odd years. Still, it's a good opportunity for someone to print up some t-shirts.
Second billing was Nicklas Bendtner - you will no doubt recall yesterday's myrthsome headline in the Sun regarding an apology.
Darren says Nick has become "a bit too confident" since his hattrick, after "blanking" the British press and talking only to Danish sports journos following the game. Five-chins will find this hard to believe, having assumed yesterday that Nick would be having a bit of a laugh about that Sun headline, having gotten over the hatchet job the tabs did on him over the weekend. Funnily enough, it appears he hasn't, how dare he take offence.
Lastly the sad news that Chester City has finally been snuffed out, for the sake of approx £26K in unpaid bills. Nobody considered it worth saving which is a great shame. Millionaire ex-Chester City footballer Ian Rush has his say in the Mirror:
I'm not implying anything here.
Thursday 11 March 2010
Wednesday 10 March 2010
Paperwatch 10/03/10
Miserable Paul today, starting with news on Nicklas Bendtner's hattrick last night as featured on the back page of the Sun:
Paul reckons this is a 'really clever headline', he thinks that even Bendtner will 'have a good laugh about it'. Comedy has always been subjective though, I can't stand Freddie Starr but my Dad thinks he's hilarious. Maybe Paul thinks Freddie Starr is hilarious, who knows.
Next back onto the Beckham Bandwagon. Mike Wedderburn enquired as to the nature of David's current relationship with Sir Alex. "He's always said he's like a second Father to him". Judging current press conferences it would appear that Ferguson would very much like to cool this Father - Son relationship, to put it delicately.
Paul then had an acute attack of amnesia and stated that "top players only leave united when Sir Alex wants them gone".
He finished with news on the FA investigation into the transfer of Shaun Wright Phillips from Man City to Chelsea using an unlicenced agent.
It's not sexy and there's no Ollie Holt-esque human angle to it, but the award winning David Conn says fines and a points deduction are a possibility; I think the latter is an exceedingly long shot.
Tuesday 9 March 2010
Paper review 09/03/10
"Five Chins" and his unique brand of cosy, smug, fawning client journalism today.
He kicked off with a story concerning Theo Walcott, whom Chris Waddle had suggested had "no football brain". He uses his column in the Dail Mail to explain what he means:
Waddle vs. Walcott
In response, one of Curry's mates points out that "at 19 years old, Waddle was making sausages".
Next, onto The Socio-Capitalist struggle that is the thorny issue of ManU ownership. More spice is added (for sports journalists at least) by the return of Beckham for the second leg of the Champions League game against AC Milan. Steve quoted Henry Wanker's piece in today's Telegraph:
"Much fuss has been made about Sir Alex Ferguson knowing some of the Red Knights. So what? Ferguson probably knows some of the Red Arrows."
full article
I'm holding my sides here in an attempt to stop them from splitting, Henry.
There's an epic volte-face in the Guardian concerning Sunday's Observer article which revealed that Ferguson was supporting the Red Knights. We should picture the Guardian sports team furiously back-peddling away from their Observer bretheren whilst muttering "I have never met this man before, officer":
Guardian
Which leads me neatly on to Steve's final flourish on tomorrow evening's game; he a recounts a press conference dominated by questions about Beckham's return to Old Trafford. Ferguson finished this grilling by quipping "that's half an hour of my life I'll never get back".
A sagely chuckling Steve tells us that "Sir Alex has never really seen eye-to-eye with the written press" but then qualifies his own position in the (written press) pecking order with "I've always had , touch wood, a very cordial relationship with Sir Alex"... Imagine Hugh Grant dramatically flicking his floppy fringe here, or more realistically Oliver Hardy Twiddling his tie with a cheeky self-congratulatary smile on his face. this kind of comment brings into focus the partiality of the press and you wonder if sports journalism has lost sight of what it's actually supposed to be doing.
He kicked off with a story concerning Theo Walcott, whom Chris Waddle had suggested had "no football brain". He uses his column in the Dail Mail to explain what he means:
Waddle vs. Walcott
In response, one of Curry's mates points out that "at 19 years old, Waddle was making sausages".
Next, onto The Socio-Capitalist struggle that is the thorny issue of ManU ownership. More spice is added (for sports journalists at least) by the return of Beckham for the second leg of the Champions League game against AC Milan. Steve quoted Henry Wanker's piece in today's Telegraph:
"Much fuss has been made about Sir Alex Ferguson knowing some of the Red Knights. So what? Ferguson probably knows some of the Red Arrows."
full article
I'm holding my sides here in an attempt to stop them from splitting, Henry.
There's an epic volte-face in the Guardian concerning Sunday's Observer article which revealed that Ferguson was supporting the Red Knights. We should picture the Guardian sports team furiously back-peddling away from their Observer bretheren whilst muttering "I have never met this man before, officer":
Guardian
Which leads me neatly on to Steve's final flourish on tomorrow evening's game; he a recounts a press conference dominated by questions about Beckham's return to Old Trafford. Ferguson finished this grilling by quipping "that's half an hour of my life I'll never get back".
A sagely chuckling Steve tells us that "Sir Alex has never really seen eye-to-eye with the written press" but then qualifies his own position in the (written press) pecking order with "I've always had , touch wood, a very cordial relationship with Sir Alex"... Imagine Hugh Grant dramatically flicking his floppy fringe here, or more realistically Oliver Hardy Twiddling his tie with a cheeky self-congratulatary smile on his face. this kind of comment brings into focus the partiality of the press and you wonder if sports journalism has lost sight of what it's actually supposed to be doing.
Monday 8 March 2010
The Supplement 08/03/10
My Sky's on the blink at the moment so I'm working from the podcast unfortunately...
Right, where to start? Biggest stories this week concern ManU & the red knights, and the contracts of 3 players; Shaun Wright Phillips, Jamie Carragher & Joe Cole.
According to the Observer, Alex Ferguson is backing the red knights. However, Alex Feguson has "strenuously denied" this. This doesn't stop our panel from giving this story the seal of approval - "if it wasn't true, they wouldn't have printed it". Excellent logic.
Onto contracts: Shaun wants £75K per week according to the panel. He's bemused, he's not asking for top money at the club, he loves it there and wants to stay. Unless they won't give him £75K per week obviously. Jamie Carragher, at 32, has looked at his situation and decided if he doesn't get a contract offer at Anfield, he's going to have to go elsewhere. This is 'news' apparently.
FInally Joe Cole will be off on a free at the end of the season if Chelsea don't sign him up. As a simple observer, this would suggest to me that Chelsea don't think he's worth a contract. However, the press have decided he's off to ManU, or maybe Spurs, like a dagger in the heart to the Chelsea faithful.
Then we're back onto the England team. Christ. Oliver Holt back on his fucking soapbox about John Terry & the captaincy. Rest assured, if/when England fail to win the World Cup, Oliver will be pontificating about it and blaming Capello, saying if only we'd listened to him we'd be world champions. John must have some very good pictures of Ollie in unnatural poses to get his arse kissed like this. Mind you, hyperbole IS Ollie's speciality. "Portsmouth's victory over Birmingham is an amazing human story". Give it a rest Ollie, for fuck's sake.
Right, where to start? Biggest stories this week concern ManU & the red knights, and the contracts of 3 players; Shaun Wright Phillips, Jamie Carragher & Joe Cole.
According to the Observer, Alex Ferguson is backing the red knights. However, Alex Feguson has "strenuously denied" this. This doesn't stop our panel from giving this story the seal of approval - "if it wasn't true, they wouldn't have printed it". Excellent logic.
Onto contracts: Shaun wants £75K per week according to the panel. He's bemused, he's not asking for top money at the club, he loves it there and wants to stay. Unless they won't give him £75K per week obviously. Jamie Carragher, at 32, has looked at his situation and decided if he doesn't get a contract offer at Anfield, he's going to have to go elsewhere. This is 'news' apparently.
FInally Joe Cole will be off on a free at the end of the season if Chelsea don't sign him up. As a simple observer, this would suggest to me that Chelsea don't think he's worth a contract. However, the press have decided he's off to ManU, or maybe Spurs, like a dagger in the heart to the Chelsea faithful.
Then we're back onto the England team. Christ. Oliver Holt back on his fucking soapbox about John Terry & the captaincy. Rest assured, if/when England fail to win the World Cup, Oliver will be pontificating about it and blaming Capello, saying if only we'd listened to him we'd be world champions. John must have some very good pictures of Ollie in unnatural poses to get his arse kissed like this. Mind you, hyperbole IS Ollie's speciality. "Portsmouth's victory over Birmingham is an amazing human story". Give it a rest Ollie, for fuck's sake.
Friday 5 March 2010
Friday 05/03/10
Quiet again today, Darren Lewis presenting only a couple of stories of note.
Firstly concerning an outburst on TalkSport by Ian Wright last night, which gives us an intriguing insight into how the sports media perpetuates its' own headlines. All the papers are carrying the story today, proving the unlikely power of certain individuals within the media:
"City are mugging Shaun off" says Ian Wright in the manner of a mockney actor in 'Green Street', concerning his stepson's desire for a new contract at City. This story has been doing the rounds for a few weeks but seems to have gained some mass mainly due to Shaun scoring for England midweek. We can only assume that former 'Bo Time' presenter Ian Wright got in touch with current 'Bo Time' hierarchy to give voice to his grievances.
Basically, Shaun Wright-Phillips has over 2 years left on his current contract, but would like a raise from his current wage of £60-70-80K per week (depending on who you believe). He has been offfered a new contract but doesn't like it, so stepdad (and all the forces of the media) to the rescue.
Staying in Manchester, we get an update on the self-proclaimed Red Knights, who now have "60 serious investors on board pledging £1.5Bn". This follows a strongly worded rebuttal by United's David Gill claiming they're 'not for sale', borrowing the slogan used by MUST just prior to United being bought by the Glazer family. It's hard to judge which way the press will jump here; synmpathetic (or sychophantic, take your pick) columnists are giving the Red Knights oxygen, but the tabloid press Editors in Chief will be painfully aware that crossing the ManU media machine freezes you out indefinitely.
Finally, the Sky Sports rolling ticker tells us that Team SKY's Bradley Wiggins is currently 31st in a bike race, whilst Lance Armstrong is 35th. They do not tell us who is in the other positions, but I'm sure you'll agree this is amazing news.
Firstly concerning an outburst on TalkSport by Ian Wright last night, which gives us an intriguing insight into how the sports media perpetuates its' own headlines. All the papers are carrying the story today, proving the unlikely power of certain individuals within the media:
"City are mugging Shaun off" says Ian Wright in the manner of a mockney actor in 'Green Street', concerning his stepson's desire for a new contract at City. This story has been doing the rounds for a few weeks but seems to have gained some mass mainly due to Shaun scoring for England midweek. We can only assume that former 'Bo Time' presenter Ian Wright got in touch with current 'Bo Time' hierarchy to give voice to his grievances.
Basically, Shaun Wright-Phillips has over 2 years left on his current contract, but would like a raise from his current wage of £60-70-80K per week (depending on who you believe). He has been offfered a new contract but doesn't like it, so stepdad (and all the forces of the media) to the rescue.
Staying in Manchester, we get an update on the self-proclaimed Red Knights, who now have "60 serious investors on board pledging £1.5Bn". This follows a strongly worded rebuttal by United's David Gill claiming they're 'not for sale', borrowing the slogan used by MUST just prior to United being bought by the Glazer family. It's hard to judge which way the press will jump here; synmpathetic (or sychophantic, take your pick) columnists are giving the Red Knights oxygen, but the tabloid press Editors in Chief will be painfully aware that crossing the ManU media machine freezes you out indefinitely.
Finally, the Sky Sports rolling ticker tells us that Team SKY's Bradley Wiggins is currently 31st in a bike race, whilst Lance Armstrong is 35th. They do not tell us who is in the other positions, but I'm sure you'll agree this is amazing news.
Thursday 4 March 2010
Shock News! 04/03/10
Seemingly a total lack of hyperbole this morning, but I did miss the first 5 minutes - sorry about that.
At least we've still got Henry's tweets to keep us amused.
At least we've still got Henry's tweets to keep us amused.
Wednesday 3 March 2010
Wednesday 03/03/10
'Misery' McCarthy back on top form today, starting with a few quotes from Fabio Capello and one of the backpage headlines "BLINGLAND".
Nothing revolutionary in that, but Paul reckons "it's like what Tiger Woods said in his 'mea culpa' speech a couple of weeks ago".
Is it? Sounds to me like Paul just wanted to show that he knows what 'mea culpa' means.
Oliver Holt is still getting upset about John Terry's losing of the armband and is determined to carry on his lonely fight, presumably so he can say "I told you so" when England fail to win the world cup. Very noble.
Paul reckons this means the papers could effectively select the England squad by scandalising players on the front page. This may be true Paul, so you know what to do, don't you?
Finally onto The Independent and a story concerning the continuing fight by MUST (Man Utd supporters' trust) to oust the current owners, with the help of the self-styled 'Red Knights':
So United fans put £250m in, and the Red Knights will save the club. No such thing as a free lunch eh? Here's Robert Peston's take on things yesterday:
Tuesday 2 March 2010
The Bullshit on Tuesday 02/03/10
Very slow day for bullshit today, you know this when one of David Conn's financial autopsies makes the bench for 5-chins Curry...
From this 5-chins extrapolates that these are "very serious guys" but "they have no desire to run the club themselves, just a desire to return the club to Barcelona-style fan ownership".
Obviously these serious guys got rich on the good, sound socialist principles of giving away massive chunks of their wealth and expecting nothing in return.
The only other bollocks of note is the Henry Wanker article on John Terry:
Where did this stuff start about England fans booing Terry? Obviously the bloke's "a bit of a cock" but that hardly sets him apart from any other premier league footballer, does it? If he does get the bird, it'd be more of a reaction to the Cheslea faithful's blind devotion and the press machine's prompting.
Monday 1 March 2010
Bollocks at Breakfast 01/03/10
Not much real news this morning so plenty of comment instead.
Paul 'miserable' McCarthy started off with some sage words about Michael Owen; he's still holding a candle for Michael's SA chances, but where the encouragement is coming from for this notion is anybody's guess. A hamstring injury sustained yesterday "might be the end of Michael's hopes of getting into the squad". Yes Paul, that'll be it.
With injuries in mind, more comment on Arsenal's Ramsey and his broken leg at Stoke on Saturday.
The boyish Sam Wallace at the Independent says it was "an accident", whilst Martin 8 chins Samuel takes a typical Dail Mail stance and says, with a nod & a wink to satisfy the legal boys of course, that it was deliberate. "How can so many broken legs be down to chance?" he asks. What a clown.
Back to the Bridge vs Terry nonsense, but we'll put miserable's comment aside on this and simply mention the SSN yellow ticker which reports that Terry, commenting on Bellamy's post match comments that "we all know what Terry's like off the pitch", reckons that "people who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones".
If I was a 13 year-old girl writing on bebo I'd probably postscript that with an LOL.
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